Posts Tagged ‘Step mother’
Today I share with you a guest post from the wonderfully wise Allurynn of Creations by Moonlight, who shares her thoughts about her adventures into parenthood.
Tell us a little about your family
Well, I am married to my best friend and soulmate…we have 3 wonderful children. This is my second marriage so my two eldest are his step children. My daughter is twenty-two and lives on her own in California, my eldest son is sixteen and my youngest son is four.
Both my husband and I have “day jobs”, but we also run our own businesses, I’m a work-at-home Mom, as I have a home studio where I do my “day job” and run my jewelry business; and we also have an Alpaca Ranch where we sale products made by their fiber.
Up until six months ago, my youngest spent his days with me. Which I have to admit was a blessing to have the opportunity to raise him, since with my oldest two, I was a single Mom for 13 years, they were in Daycare early on in their lives. Now, my youngest attends preschool 2 days a week, at first it was a major adjustment for BOTH of us…now he really looks forward to it and I enjoy having those hours to focus on my work.
Describe as best you can what kind of parenting style you use.
Well, I was raised by strict Italian catholic parents…that said, my childhood life wasn’t enjoyable…beatings were acceptable, not to mention verbal abuse. I swore I would not raise my kids that way.
Am I lenient, easy on my kids…no. If you asked them they would say I was strict, but fair and reasonable. I’ve never raised my hand to my kids but have often raised my voice. I was blessed with kids that are strong willed and strong minded, much like me, lol, so it’s been a challenge raising two of them as a single Mom. Disciplining them revolves around timeouts when they were young to grounding and having privileges taken away. But I always believe in clear communication, honesty and being there and available for my children as much as I can be. So, along with those timeouts and grounding there were lots of talk around behavior and consequences.
I never forced my spiritual believes on them either, so they are open to diversity and are well rounded kids. I don’t know what parenting style I have, I just know I did and do the best I could with not having a role model of my own. Twenty-two years later I see I did well by my daughter and hope to do the same for my other two.
What do you see your role is as a parent?
I see my role as a parent as being here to guide, protect and teach these wonderful souls who chose me to come to this earth through. I don’t see myself as superior but as an equal to them. They are such wise souls and I want to nurture and support them, not crush them or conform them to society’s ways. I’m all about giving them room to blossom and bloom in their own unique way.
What has been the most difficult part of parenting for you and what helped you through this?
The most difficult part of parenting for me was when my older two hit puberty and they pulled away from me. Though I was told it’s a stage they all go through, as this is how they can find their independence and place in the world, it was a really difficult time for me. Those teenage years are scary, with all the influences out there and the peer pressure, not connecting and having clear communication with them left me in the dark and that was worrisome for me. It’s when we question ourselves as parents, if we did good by them, taught them enough to be rest assured that they will make wise choices.
When my daughter went through it, it broke my heart, we were so close and yet she too had to pull away and find herself. What got me through this difficult time was knowing it was a normal stage in their lives and feeling confident that I could trust them to be wise and smart with their choices. The best part is once they do get through it, a few years later they come back around. Our relationships have been as strong and close if not closer than they ever were. After going through it twice I know I can get through it with my third.
What has been the most rewarding part of parenting?
The most rewarding part of parenting for me has been watching my kids grow and blossom into young adults. Despite the hardships and struggles we’ve experienced they have come through, become stronger and have an understanding that they can get through rough spots in their lives too.
With my youngest, his family dynamics are much different, as he has both parents in his life and his world isn’t so full of struggles. So, with him I’m able to enjoy and cherish our time together, without the stress of being the sole provide. I can be in his life in a much bigger way and watching him grow into a “big boy” is so rewarding for me.
Twenty years from now, looking back at yourself as a younger parent, what helpful message would you share with yourself? What might you say to other parents?
Well, I feel I have an advantage here, cos’ I can look back to when I was a younger parent, having a 22 year old daughter, and I’ve been blessed with the chance of being a parent again in my 40’s having a 4 year old son. The most helpful message I could give myself or any young parent, would be to keep following my (their) heart, like I had been doing all along. Everyone has their own way of parenting, and much like religious paths…no one way is better than the other. I feel as long as we do the best we can to help them thrive and become well rounded adults, then we are doing it right.
Allurynn has been on her magickal Goddess journey for many years now; following the rhythms and cycles of the Moon and our Mother Earth. Nature not only inspires her, but it also feeds her soul, like the creation of her art does. Creations by Moonlight is a place where she can share her passion and love of handcrafted items to inspire, honor and adorn the Goddess in every woman, be it through her jewelry or unique treasures. Her art is a reflection of her own spirituality and vision. She allows her inner Goddess to reflect love and joy through her paintings and paper art and through her jewelry she allows the Goddess within to honor the Goddess in every woman.
If you like this post and think other parents would benefit from hearing different parenting voices please use the share buttons below! Be sure to join us next Thursday for another inspiring glimpse into parenting on the Listen to the Beat Within Guest Parenting Series!