Posts Tagged ‘self care’
I am so happy to share with you today a guest post by the lovely and inspiring Karina Ladet of Karina’s Inner Space. Karina shares with us her thoughts on parenting from a multicultural perspective.
Tell us a little about your family
My name is Karina and I live with my husband Olivier and our two children, Gabriel (almost 6) and Lou Kalliste (almost 3) in a small village in the South of France. We’re a pretty multicultural family as I am a Cuban born Swede with a Swedish dad and a Romanian mom, and my husband is French. Being from different cultures means that my husband and I regularly “discuss” what is the “right” way to do things, ha, ha! I am pretty sure most couples deal with that but it seems like an extra challenge for us as we have been brought up in very different ways.
Describe as best you can what kind of parenting style you use.
Wow! My parenting style started out very influenced by attachment parenting and I love being physically close to my children. With the arrival of our second child I have become a little more detached and I now allow myself more time for myself and I respect my own space more too… My husband has been brought up in a more traditional way and we have talked for hours about how to balance a traditional style with a more hippie-inspired one ; ). When we became parents for the first time we realised just how opposite our views on education were but I am happy to say that we have now (almost 6 years later!) found a good balance that works for us and our family.
What do you see your role is as a parent?
To be fully present with my children as much as possible and to walk my talk. I try to let my children be as free and independent as they need to be and also respect my need for boundaries. I see children as perfect and whole human beings when they arrive in this world and my task is to be there next to them when they need me. I try to communicate with them in a respectful way and let them express any feelings that they need to let out. I also realise more and more that it is so important that I live my own life and do things that make me happy because my children also learn from that. My view of my role as a parent seems to evolve with time. Nothing is rigid, everything can change.
What has been the most difficult part of parenting for you and what helped you through this?
Oh! When my son was born he became the centre of our family and I was so in tune with his needs (or what I thought were his needs : ) that I completely forgot about myself. What helped me was to talk to other parents and to my husband. He is so much better at respecting his own boundaries and kept telling me it was ok for me to take care of myself too. I became so much more relaxed after that! Now I take it easy and try not to be too hard on myself
What has been the most rewarding part of parenting?
All the Love in my life! And getting to know two amazing young people. They have taught me so much about life and about myself. Going through pregnancies and giving birth has given me access to an incredible internal strength. After my son’s birth I felt like Superwoman! Anything was possible after going through that.
Twenty years from now, looking back at yourself as a younger parent, what helpful message would you share with yourself? What might you say to other parents?
• Take care of yourself too! You don’t have to do something big but give yourself some me-time every day.
• Ask for help when you need it! You don’t have to do everything on your own.
• Allow yourself to be human with good days and bad days. It’s ok not to be Supermom every day. Children don’t need perfect parents. They need loving and caring parents and then you can work your way from there.
is a channel and happy hippie-at-heart. She offers one on one readings, workshops and (soon!) e-courses where you can learn how to communicate with your guides and angels. Visit her on her blog Karina’s Inner Space or connect with her on facebook
If you like this post and think other parents would benefit from hearing different parenting voices please use the share buttons below! Be sure to join us next Thursday for another inspiring glimpse into parenting on the Listen to the Beat Within Guest Parenting Series!
The other week I stumbled upon a writing prompt I had written in my journal with the intention of responding to it later. It was a series of prompts to write a letter to your self that I had found while blog hopping (sorry to say I could not find the original reference- but when I Googled it there were many renditions of the letter to Self). One of them was to write to yourself 10 years ago. I thought I would give it a try.
After just writing a few sentences I was struck by how powerful this exercise was for me. My intuitive parent stepped right in and began to respond with such empathy I was brought to tears. Parenting is tough, we all know that. But sometimes we can be our own worst critic, ruminating over how we should have done things differently or comparing ourselves to other parents who don’t seem to be having such a hard time.
For me 10 years ago was a very significant point in time as a parent because it was really so near the beginning of parenthood for me (my eldest son would have been 1 1/2 years old). Allowing myself to speak to my “new” parent self now, after 10 years, also brought to light how very important it is to continue to show the same empathy for one’s self even later on in one’s parenting career.
Perhaps this is something each and every parent can give themselves as a gift for the new year. We often talk about empathy for our children when they are going through tough times, but how about extending that empathic understanding to ourselves?
Here are some excerpts from my letter to my younger parent self. The advice I give myself is relevant at any point in my parenting, even to this day when my children are (almost) 8 and 11 1/2 years old.
You are a great mommy who loves your little baby boy deeply. I know it is hard to be away from him and you feel stressed because you wish that you could give him more of your time.
You worry. Don’t let your worry take over who you are and get in the way . . . You will have another child. You will learn more . You will make mistakes that you regret, but you must let go of that regret, you must pay it no mind for it will eat away at you and fuel your worry, your self doubt.
Know that you are a wonderful parent, a fantastic parent. You are human , yes, you make mistakes, yes, but you can and will learn from them.
You are the best mom your son has, he needs you, he needs you to believe in yourself. For when you believe in yourself as a mother, as a parent, your son will learn to believe in himself.
Don’t worry that one year has passed. There is still time, there is always time. You are a great parent, know that, feel that, believe that, and you will see how much easier things will be, your life will be easier, your parenting will be easier.
Let go of the past.
Walk boldly, with confidence, into the future!
Love your Wise Parent Self.
No matter what stage of parenting you are at, whether it is 2 months in, or 2 years, 12 years or twenty years into parenting, it’s never too late to show your self some gentle understanding and acknowledgment for all of your hard work as a parent. Sometimes all it takes is a little perspective of time to realize the beauty of what we have done as parents. I invite you to write a letter to your younger parent self. For showing compassion to yourself is the first step in letting go of past “mistakes” and moving towards the intuitive parenting that we all have inside.
A few years back, my sons made up a club between them that I have to remind myself of whenever there are sibling spats. They call their club “Super Heroes’ Club” and designate their stuffed animals as super heroes who earn powers every time they do something helpful or good amongst themselves. It seems to give them a sense of control over their lives as well as a feeling of being special and appreciated. They take the assignment of super hero powers seriously to the point that my youngest gets upset if his toys have not earned as many powers as his brother’s toys.
A few months back when my youngest was having difficulty following routines my eldest suggested that it may help him if we said that every time he did his routine one of his “guys” earned another super power. While my youngest didn’t go for it I thought it was a pretty innovative idea on the part of my son. I could tell he had really put some thought into coming up with a solution (this was during one of our family meetings). Likely my youngest wanted to maintain some sense of control over the the super hero rules not to mention that he probably wanted to keep the pretend and real stuff separate for simplicity sake of course.
This got me thinking about how kids aren’t the only ones who need some sort of recognition that they are doing well. Sometimes as parents we need some encouragement or a “prize” to feel appreciated and keep us going. After all aren”t we by the very definition of being a parent super heroes? Don’t we deserve some recognition of our hard work? Everyone needs to hear that they are doing well and that they are appreciated. The trick as parents is to read between the lines to hear the appreciation. But sometimes we need to hear it loud and clear. And like my sons’ super hero club where they basically toot their own horn about how great they are, there is no reason that as adults we shouldn’t sing our own praises, why wait for outside recognition when we are quite capable of giving it to ourselves. Yes its true you can praise yourself, you just may need a little practice since in this society we are socialized to wait for praise, even strive for praise outside of ourselves instead of giving ourselves what we need.
So today I invite you to announce to the world what you deserve recognition for as a parent. No need to be shy. What have you done well that you are proud of? I know its hard, perhaps even out of the ordinary for some of you to sing your own praises. To give you a little encouragement, I will send a special gift MP3 of The Inspired Parent Affirmation Meditation to your inbox to every parent who joins in and announces at least one thing to the world that makes you a superhero parent (note this is a one time thing, you will not be signed up for our monthly newsletter or list automatically, but you are welcome to do so by filling out the form in the top right corner if it calls to you!). Take the chance now and share with others your proud moments.
“Play is the only way the highest intelligence of humankind can unfold.”
Joseph Chilton Pearce
When is the last time you played? I don’t mean a game on your phone or something like that, I mean played like when you were a child. Not just going through the motions with your child, while you think of the one million things you have to do (yes we all do it) . Playing for playing sake. Letting yourself go into the play and getting lost in the silliness, the moment, the imagination of it all.
Parents need to play too, We need to enjoy life and allow ourselves to be silly not just with our kids but with the whole wide world! Allow yourself to laugh a great big belly laugh. Do it now! It’s good for you! We don’t need to take ourselves so seriously all the time.
Have you gotten into a rut with all work and no play?
Find your muse and let him or her take you on a wild, silly, playful adventure today even if just for a few minutes.
Finding it hard to get your play on? Need some inspiration?
So mommies (and daddies) it’s been almost a week since you were reminded about the stupendous job you do as a parent via mothers day celebrations. Did you take it all in. Did you feel the gratitude. Did you give gratitude to your self and your efforts as a parent?
You know you have been entrusted with one of the most important jobs on this planet. To nurture and guide children on this complicated planet of ours.